Bill Cosby Quotes

There should be more on television that uplifts people and shows them how to better prepare themselves for earning a living.

Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy.

If you have no faith, you've lost your battle.

People say to me, 'Do you know who you look like?' And I say, 'I'm really tired of looking like that guy.'

I love Twitter, but some people use profanity so much that at some point it's like saying, 'Pass the salt.'

Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.

You can't compete with Walmart. But you can have smaller businesses that are successful.

I don't spend my hours worrying how to slip a social message into my act.

What kept me out of trouble is going right to the edge and then... thinking that my mother would be embarrassed, and that I didn't want to embarrass her, and that my father would be embarrassed, and I just didn't want to do that to my family.

Telemarketers tell me I sound like Bill Cosby.

It isn't a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that's beautiful.

Nobody asked you to flip burgers for the rest of your life.

Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.

I'm not going out and hitting a 95-mph fastball where I can't see the stitches. I'm not on a professional football team looking to tackle a fullback who is built like solid wood. I'm a thinking person, and I've been blessed with the ability to see some things and talk about them in a way that registers in a humorous and funny way.

When a person has a gun, sometimes their mind clicks that this thing will win arguments and straighten people out.

You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.

I use the exercise room early, because I don't want to get on the treadmill and everyone's going 'Oh, Bill Cosby,' and then they come around to see how fast I'm walking, and it becomes very competitive.

The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.

I often try to tell kids to think about all the people who love you, don't cry over the one person who doesn't.

I don't see much comedy in the Bible, where people are writing about funny people. It's not there.

If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.

Everybody is not a victim.

What we need is for people to realize - 'I want to raise my kid. I want to go back and get my three kids. I want to take on that responsibility. I want to love my children.'

We're not raising children with the love that we need to.

'I Spy' represents the absence of the tension of the black man or black woman or anyone of that color walking in, so that the white racist person can become entertaining to a viewer.

God has not made anything that I know of that pays so much attention to who their father and mother is as us.

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.

A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station.

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

I'm one of those who cut off seeing people after a certain time, when the weight is gone and they sound like the dementia is very advanced - I don't want to see that. I don't even go in to look at the body. That's not my last memory.

Sometimes I buy my wife flowers.

I think the part of media that romanticizes criminal behavior, things that a person will say against women, profanity, being gangster, having multiple children with multiple men and women and not wanting to is prevalent. When you look at the majority of shows on television they placate that kind of behavior.

Parents are people who yell and they yell and they yell and they yell. And you already have the point... and they're still yelling.

What people are tired of, the people who agree with me, what they're tired of is listening to that sound, the sound of the people who've given up.

The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.

You don't reinvent yourself; you get better with what you do.

That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked.

If you speak your mind and if it is true what you're saying, then I think the integrity of what you're saying carries through.

I want to get violence - I want schools to start from K through 12 to just every day have teachers understand that they don't want to talk about anything that is violent, and they want to explain to the children how bad violence is and how behavior - violent behavior, is something that they really should not practice and think about.

The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now.

There are teachers in the United States who cry in the daytime because they see a child or children who haven't eaten properly, children who haven't used soap in so long.

People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on.

There should be marches in every neighborhood every day telling the people about the negativity of drugs and how the drugs help us to behave negatively.

I'm not the healthiest, but I am healthy. I'm healthy to the point where there are things that I have to eat that I don't want to eat, but I eat it because I'm enjoying staying alive.

Racial humor was about 35% of my act when I first started. But I realized that it was a crutch. What brought it home was when another comedian said to me, 'If you changed color tomorrow, you wouldn't have any material.' He meant it as a put-down, but I took it as a challenge.

You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any.

Sometimes you try to help people, and it backfires on you, and then they try to take advantage of you.

Things from real life are the things that get people laughing.