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A real job is a job you hate.

Bill Watterson

From now on, I’ll connect the dots my own way.

Bill Watterson

Genius is never understood in its own time.

Bill Watterson

Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.

Bill Watterson

God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind that I will never die.

Bill Watterson

Heck, what’s a little extortion among friends?

Bill Watterson

I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep everyone’s expectations.

Bill Watterson

I know the world isn’t fair, but why isn’t it ever unfair in my favor?

Bill Watterson

I liked things better when I didn’t understand them.

Bill Watterson

I think we dream so we don’t have to be apart so long. If we’re in each other’s dreams, we can play together all night.

Bill Watterson

I thought my life would seem more interesting with a musical score and a laugh track.

Bill Watterson

I won’t eat any cereal that doesn’t turn the milk purple.

Bill Watterson

I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.

Bill Watterson

I’ve got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.

Bill Watterson

If I had rolled along with the strip’s popularity and repeated myself for another five, 10 or 20 years, the people now ‘grieving’ for ‘Calvin and Hobbes’ would be wishing me dead.

Bill Watterson

If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I’ll bet they’d live a lot differently.

Bill Watterson

If you can’t control your peanut butter, you can’t expect to control your life.

Bill Watterson

If your knees aren’t green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life.

Bill Watterson

It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what’s cool.

Bill Watterson

It’s always better to leave the party early.

Bill Watterson

It’s not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept.

Bill Watterson

It’s surprising how hard we’ll work when the work is done just for ourselves.

Bill Watterson

Know what’s weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything’s different.

Bill Watterson

Letting your mind play is the best way to solve problems.

Bill Watterson

Mothers are the necessity of invention.

Bill Watterson

Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around.

Bill Watterson

Often it takes some calamity to make us live in the present. Then suddenly we wake up and see all the mistakes we have made.

Bill Watterson

Reality continues to ruin my life.

Bill Watterson

Shutting off the thought process is not rejuvenating; the mind is like a car battery – it recharges by running.

Bill Watterson

So, what’s it like in the real world? Well, the food is better, but beyond that, I don’t recommend it.

Bill Watterson

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

Bill Watterson

Sometimes when I’m talking, my words can’t keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.

Bill Watterson

Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience.

Bill Watterson

That’s the whole problem with science. You’ve got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder.

Bill Watterson

The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.

Bill Watterson

The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure pure reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog!

Bill Watterson

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

Bill Watterson

The world of a comic strip ought to be a special place with its own logic and life… I don’t want the issue of Hobbes’s reality settled by a doll manufacturer.

Bill Watterson

There is not enough time to do all the nothing we want to do.

Bill Watterson

Things are never quite as scary when you’ve got a best friend.

Bill Watterson

We all have different desires and needs, but if we don’t discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled.

Bill Watterson

We don’t devote enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.

Bill Watterson

Weekends don’t count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

Bill Watterson

When birds burp, it must taste like bugs.

Bill Watterson

Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?

Bill Watterson

Christa Miller
Serinda Swan
Hal Linden
Nick Price