Larry David Quotes

Most of the time I'm thinking, I'm glad that scene was improvised.

I don't think anyone really is interested in reading about my emotional state. It's not even interesting to me.

When I was living in New York and didn't have a penny to my name, I would walk around the streets and occasionally I would see an alcove or something. And I'd think, that'll be good, that'll be a good spot for me when I'm homeless.

I don't like to make a big splash anyway.

Most people think I'm immodest.

Obviously comedic styles do change.

It has to do - I think - with growing up in an apartment, with my aunt and my cousins right next door to me, with the door open, with neighbors walking in and out, with people yelling at each other all the time.

Millions of people are married. I've never picked up a paper and seen a headline that says, Man Gets Married!

I think that what people imagine they're going through is much worse than what they are going through.

Actually I walk around with the Emmy wherever I go, but I'm very casual about it.

I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish.

There's also a certain rhythm to the way Jews talk that might be funny.

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.

I'm surprised sometimes at how some of my actions are misinterpreted.

I'm cranky.

I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life. Albeit inadvertently.

If I wasn't a golfer, I would still be miserable - but not as miserable.

There's nothing that reflects me. I'm unreflectable!

Religion doesn't play any part in my life in terms of how I live my life. But I don't think I've ever gone through a day in my life without hearing someone say the word 'Jew' or saying it myself.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

It's always good to take something that's happened in your life and make something of it comedically.

It's that I wasn't suited to do the kind of comedy that these people were coming to hear - mainstream comedy.

Even back then, I exuded self-confidence, and that drives women crazy.

I've been in therapy. I know enough about myself now to know that I really don't need to know anymore.

When I was living in New York, there was a lot of screaming in my life. I would just get into these altercations all the time. Being in public, dealing with shopkeepers, just trying to cross the street - things like that.

I think Michael Moore is a hero.

I think golf is literally an addiction. I'm surprised there's not Golf Anonymous.

Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline.

My background is degradation and sloth, mostly.

I defy anyone to produce any evidence that the word 'happy' has ever crossed my lips. I am not now, nor have I ever been, 'happy.'

Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to look at myself in the mirror.

I am not honest.

I'm one of the idiots that negotiates after I write.

I'm a walking, talking enigma.

There are times when I'm driving home after a day's shooting, thinking to myself, That scene would've been so much better if I had written it out.

Most people are completely unaware of their breath. They violate your space, they have no idea that they have halitosis.

I still think of that guy I was without a wife or kids, and I still want to entertain that guy. The lonely guy, the frustrated guy, the guy with no money - this is the guy who needs to laugh.

At first, I didn't realize it was gonna be a character. I just thought I was gonna be doing me.

Well, after the divorce, I went home and turned all the lights on!

I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out.

Well, as you know, I'm really only happy when I'm on stage.

All of a sudden I discovered that I'm allergic to caviar. It was the perfect metaphor for my life. When I was only able to afford bad caviar, I could certainly eat my fill of it.

I don't write shows with dialogue where actors have to memorize dialogue. I write the scenes where we know everything that's going to happen. There's an outline of about seven or eight pages, and then we improvise it.

I don't like to say anything good. I feel like I'll jinx myself.

I don't really know much about TV and what people want to see. I'm not that well-informed about it.

If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.

I believe in something.

The addition of nuts in salad... I always find to be beneficial.

I couldn't be happier that President Bush has stood up for having served in the National Guard, because I can finally put an end to all those who questioned my motives for enlisting in the Army Reserve at the height of the Vietnam War.

I have no secrets.