A politician is a man who will double cross that bridge when he comes to it.
Behind the phony tinsel of Hollywood lies the real tinsel.
Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.
Happiness isn’t something you experience; it’s something you remember.
I am no more humble than my talents require.
I can remember Doris Day before she was a virgin.
I don’t drink. I don’t like it. It makes me feel good.
I envy people who drink – at least they know what to blame everything on.
I have given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
I have no trouble with y enemies. But my god damn friends… they are the ones that keep me walking the floors at night.
I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.
I think a lot of Bernstein – but not as much as he does.
I’m a study of a man in chaos in search of frenzy.
I’ve given up reading books. I find it takes my mind off myself.
Once Dwight Eisenhower makes up his mind, he’s full of indecision.
Once I make up my mind, I’m full of indecision.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic, and so am I.
Schizophrenia beats dining alone.
So little time and so little to do.
Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you’ll find the real tinsel underneath.
The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.
There are two sides to every question: my side and the wrong side.
There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character.
What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left.